A Better Day

 I never learn do I? *Huge sigh* No la, i din contact him again..deleted his number already...
Im tired of being disappointed again & again. Feels like a sack of big USA potatoes being dropped from the 21st storey, then being picked up & dropped all over again….

I deserve it right? Who ask me to contact him? Itchy fingers... But I just know it Will Not / Must Not happen that we get back together. Well this I have been guilt stricken of for the whole time we were together. I know God’s plan for me in my life doesn’t include Jon. So…im sorry Lord…again. I’ve been disobedient.

Although Jon & I are no longer together, the memories of the times when we were will always be dear to me. I just dunno if it means anything at all to him..seriously. All those words, meaningful presents & thoughtful stuff... Good Lord… Why the heck does that matter anyway? *Stephie smacks Stephie with a large trout!*Maybe I think im better off not finding out... if I know what’s good for me.

God spoke to me in the mrt today again… he told me that to find release of the pain I keep pacing, going around in circles in, I need to learn to submit it to him. I told the Lord, “ But I only want to offer you the good things in my life.. not crap like this!” Then God told me, that to give all my brokenness to Him, is the best present I can ever give. Cos it takes Faith & Trust to give up something like that..& he wants to change me to be happier for him.. cos he loves me. After all, he did die for my sins right? By this time… I was tearing so much in the mrt, people probably thought my relative was dead or somethin’!*Grinz* Okok…so my answer to God was: “Ok Lord, I give up. I really really give up. I shall surrender All from now on.”

Guess What? It has been a beautiful day ever since this morning.. heh. I know its not going to be easy, but with my Lord’s help, I shall succeed. Of course, with the help of my 2 Jie Meis (who have suffered much over the past mths cos of me), trustworthy friends, & filling my life with activities for God & for my own life’s growth (like doing the things I’ve always wanted to/ needed to)..Maybe God does really use circumstances in our lives to teach us to grow, or even draw him closer to him. I really think so. Yup.
So Help Me God.