Boundaries

It’s been a while since I wrote something about feeling negative and down. I guess I allowed it to happen to me again. Seriously… the place where I thought I will not get hurt, I’m still as vulnerable to be hurt. Because I have compromised my boundaries… and allowed ‘intruders’ into the territory, thinking they were safe to have around.

I guess for quite sometime now, God has been speaking to me about meeting up with guy friends one on one. It's just that i didn't act on it. The line is drawn so thinly, separating a good friend and a romantic interest… that I sometimes cross over faster than my mind can say, “Hold your horses!!” That’s why boundaries are important. Not for any other reason than to protect yourself. At least I know I need them.

Secretly my heart had opened up its doors to allow an intruder in. The blissful feeling is short lived.

Shortly after, he decided to establish some clarity between us, by making a stand that we were only friends, I was surprisingly emotional… as I had only known him a short while. Barely past 2 months come to think of it. Why the huge amount of disappointment? I cannot quite square it up. Except to learn from the fact boundaries are very much necessary to keep me from harm’s reach. Possibly this could also be an open door to allow God to surface the area of rejection in my heart i thought i was totally healed from from my previous relationship 2 years ago.. Is it not totally healed oh Lord?

What an entry for my 22nd birthday… haha. I spent it today rather peacefully with God at home, as well as enjoying some sun and a swim… then ended off with a church meeting where some of my church sisters celebrated my b’day for me with a cake.
Still aching from the Standard Chartered marathon I ran on Sunday… haven been sleeping well these past few nights… physically and mentally tired from thinking. Yet I know my strength comes because of God… I can finally doze off to sleep because I rest and cuddle up to God every night. In times like these, I cling onto God more than ever to find the peace and solace I seek. “Why so down cast Oh My soul?” Only you know O Lord..