Deleted for one day and back up the next… again, and again. I can’t stand it. Why so persistent in giving me problems. Can’t just leave me alone. On a downhill slope with the brakes wearing transparent thin. Bosom friends hold me back and hang in there with me to prevent me from slipping… sooner or later they are going to be tired of this too… going to drag them downhill. Try not to bring up the issue as it upsets not only me but also the people around me. Have to cope to try saying something to pacify or calm me down. Don’t need pity or words that are meant to soothe my wound. Don’t want people to avoid me because of this stumbling block in my life. Just need for this to be over soon. My mum is hysterical on why I get myself into this kind of shit… and why I seem to ignore and act unbothered by it at home…tells me I cant just ignore whatever I’m feeling. My Dad is stressed my mum is over hysterical. I don’t think they deserve to have more worries on their mind. Especially not mine. I’m just putting all my thoughts and feelings about this into a box… shelving it so that I can continue with my work… play… my life.
Think my pastor and a close friend of mine is right. Things are allowed to happen for a reason. God allow trials so that it can mould me to be a stronger person. Especially things like opposition that I’ve never felt in my life before.
When temptations come, as they always do… temptations to do the things I desire instead of doing the desires of God’s heart… the best solution is to flee from it, and submerge myself with the cleansing truths and works of God. I NEED to learn to flee from all these impurity that’s eating me up day by day.
I thank God for my jie meis and friends everyday. Thanks for your listening ears, your hugs, your willing acts and words of encouragements. May God bless you 10 fold for what you have first given. Hugs.
Keep on Keeping On,
Stephie
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